In a city where the number of hot new restaurants has surpassed the number of hot single men, I couldn’t help but wonder…has looking for lunch become more important than looking for love?
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First off, apologies for my sparse and inconsistent posting as of late. You see, in two days, I will be “taking my talents,” as the kids say, from Austin, Texas to New York City where I’ll be starting culinary school at ICE.
I know! Big move. Exciting times. Of course, this means trading in my parents’ large, fully-equipped-with-every-appliance-imaginable kitchen for a tiny city dwelling with a mini fridge and one small section of counter space.
Yesterday, hundreds of thousands of babies were born. Almost all of them were regular, kind of cute but mainly weird-looking babies, and one of them was a royal baby. This royal baby comes from a long line of royal babies- his father was a royal baby, and his father was a royal baby, and his mother was a royal baby (#girlpower), and so on and so on for like a thousand years.
A couple of weeks ago, I had this genius realization during my daily routine of mindlessly scrolling through food porn pictures and recipes online: people love the crap out of macarons. Seriously. They are right up there with quinoa and Nutella as the Holy Trinity of potential Pinterest explosion.
I was so excited by this new revelation that I even took to twitter to boldly declare them as “the new cupcakes” to my legion of followers (like 300, but whatever that was enough for the Spartans.) What a trend spotter I am, I thought. I am so cutting edge. I should have my own TV show where I just, like, talk about trendy foods. I’ll basically be the Ellen of the culinary world.
Spinach Artichoke Stuffed Chicken with Herb Balsamic Caprese Salad: Celebrating the Tastes and Television of Summer
Summer is upon us, friends. This is an exciting time for many people, such as: elementary school students, middle school students, high school students, college students, LFO. For everyone else, though, it doesn’t really matter so much because we realize that “summer vacation” is not really a thing and all the changing of the seasons means is that you and everyone you know get to walk around all day sweating like Joel Osteen at a drag show.
There are still some exciting aspects of summertime for me though, namely: entertainment and food. (I know, these are pretty much the only things I care about year round, but in the summer they are particularly exciting.)
What a beautiful Memorial Day weekend we had! I’m not talking about the weather; I don’t know anything about that- I mean beautiful in the sense that there were a lot of fun things to watch on television.
It seemed the obvious go-to for everyone this weekend was the revival of Arrested Development, which released its much-anticipated fourth season to Netflix on Sunday. I am a huge, huge AD fan. I have watched and rewatched the first three seasons countless times. I had planned on a big extravaganza post on it this week. I got four episodes in on Sunday evening and couldn’t go on- it just wasn’t the same. I just didn’t find it funny. This is a sensitive matter; please respect my privacy at this time.
As you definitely know, this past weekend was the premiere of the much anticipated film adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Everyone has been talking about it- Leo is in it, so you know it’s gonna be a blockbuster. That guy is such a gem. Can we just take a second?
[THROWBACK FRIDAY] Tequila Lime Shrimp Scampi Linguini: Celebrate Cinco De Mayo Like You’re Marissa Cooper in Tijuana
It’s almost Cinco de Mayo, y’all- the day when we celebrate the heroic bravery of the Mexican army in defeating the oppressive French occupants in a historic battle in pursuit of freedom and democracy and stuff! (I don’t know I just copy and pasted that off Wikipedia because I’m pretty sure it’s just an excuse for white college students to dress up in offensive Mexican stereotypes and black out during the day.)
Speaking of drunk white kids, remember that episode of The O.C. where they all go to Tijuana and Marissa Cooper chases a bunch of benzos with Tequila and passes out in the alley way? Of course you do; it is the greatest thing that has ever happened on television.
What a freakin’ weekend I had, y’all. (Copyright R. Kelly, 2003) I’m still reeling from three days of binge eating, day drinking, and hobnobbing with some of the nation’s foodie elites at the Austin Food & Wine Festival. By “hobnobbing,” of course, I mean awkwardly standing behind them pretending to text but really eavesdropping on their conversations with other important people.
As far as festivals in Austin go, this is really the only one that has anything to offer me. I don’t really listen to music that isn’t Billy Joel or Beyoncé, so Austin City Limits and South by Southwest always feel like a homework assignment to not embarrass myself in front of the cool kids. Smoking weed takes me on an introspective journey through all of the people I have disappointed in my lifetime, so Reggae Fest and Eeyore’s Birthday are also out of the question. (Don’t I sound like a super fun person? Call me if you want to hang out!)
Whiskey-Glazed Salmon with Mango Habanero Chutney: Brush Your Food (and Your Teeth) with a Bottle of Jack
Pop stars are people too, you guys, and they want us all to know it. It is for this reason that the popumentary was invented. You see, to prove just how down-to-earth these celebs are, they allow cameras into their lives to document them doing totally normal people things (prepping for world tours, crying about leaked nude pics, etc.) We’ve seen it a thousand times, and in recent years the phenomenon has exploded. You have Katy Perry’s “Part of Me,” Beyonce’s “Life is But a Dream,” and of course, the creme de la creme- Justin Bieber’s “Never Say Never,” referred to by everyone who is me as The Godfather of modern day popumentaries.
At their finest, the popumentary effectively humanizes the humans we idolize, painting an endearing portrait of a person we previously assumed was a narcissistic psychopath. At their worst, they are an early sign of a very serious mental breakdown.