All posts in Main Dish

[THROWBACK FRIDAY] Tequila Lime Shrimp Scampi Linguini: Celebrate Cinco De Mayo Like You’re Marissa Cooper in Tijuana

 

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It’s almost Cinco de Mayo, y’all- the day when we celebrate the heroic bravery of the Mexican army in defeating the oppressive French occupants in a historic battle in pursuit of freedom and democracy and stuff! (I don’t know I just copy and pasted that off Wikipedia because I’m pretty sure it’s just an excuse for white college students to dress up in offensive Mexican stereotypes and black out during the day.)

Speaking of drunk white kids, remember that episode of The O.C. where they all go to Tijuana and Marissa Cooper chases a bunch of benzos with Tequila and passes out in the alley way? Of course you do; it is the greatest thing that has ever happened on television.

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Whiskey-Glazed Salmon with Mango Habanero Chutney: Brush Your Food (and Your Teeth) with a Bottle of Jack

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Pop stars are people too, you guys, and they want us all to know it. It is for this reason that the popumentary was invented. You see, to prove just how down-to-earth these celebs are, they allow cameras into their lives to document them doing totally normal people things (prepping for world tours, crying about leaked nude pics, etc.) We’ve seen it a thousand times, and in recent years the phenomenon has exploded. You have Katy Perry’s “Part of Me,” Beyonce’s “Life is But a Dream,” and of course, the creme de la creme- Justin Bieber’s “Never Say Never,” referred to by everyone who is me as The Godfather of modern day popumentaries.

At their finest, the popumentary effectively humanizes the humans we idolize, painting an endearing portrait of a person we previously assumed was a narcissistic psychopath. At their worst, they are an early sign of a very serious mental breakdown.

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Cuban Sandwiches with Prosciutto and Sweet Pepper Relish: Don’t Mess with the Bey.

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America, our royalty is under attack from within. Earlier this month, their highness Beyoncé & Jay Z decided to celebrate the 5th year anniversary of God proving his eternal love for us through their union by going on nice, relaxing vacation. No big deal, right?

Wrong. That trip happened to be to Havana, Cuba, which apparently is like illegal or something.  For those of you who haven’t kept up with the news for the past 53 years, the United States has this embargo against Cuba, meaning our citizens are forbidden from travelling there due to our disagreements with their oppressive Communist government.

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Spicy Veggie Breakfast Hash with Poached Eggs: The Apocalypse Brunch of It’s a Disaster

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I feel like we’re in kind of a lull period right now, entertainment-wise. Well, as much of a lull as there can be in the era of 3000 channels, On Demand, DVR, Netflix, Hulu, etc etc etc. God bless us, everyone- we are truly living in the Golden Age. Queen Elizabeth ain’t got shit on this.

Like I said though, we have a bit of down time at the moment. A lot of my favorite shows just wrapped up, it’s still post-Oscar crap movie season, and all of our most beloved celebs have taken a time out to dust off their dumpster attire and congregate in the desert to be photographed pretending to like cool music. (Three day music festivals are the setting of 97% of my nightmares.) (The other 3% are dinner parties at Donald Trump’s house; I have no real explanation for that.)

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Tyler Florence-Approved Parmesan Gnocchi with Short Rib Ragu

Gnocchi with Short Rib Ragu

My first interaction with celebrity chef and Food Network star Tyler Florence was a phone conversation that went something like this:

Tyler: “Hey Shay, I’m calling to invite you out to San Francisco in March for a weekend of wine and food and fun and everything is free because I think your food is awesome so do you think you can make it?” (paraphrase)

Me: “Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Who is this? Okay. Yes. A thousand times yes. I mean I have to check my schedule but I’m a cashier at a taco truck so yes. Okay talk to you later Tyler can I call you Tyler k thx love you byeee” (exact quote)

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Meyer Lemon and Asparagus Pesto Risotto with Sundried Tomatoes and Gulf Shrimp: The Arrival of Spring and Spring Breakers

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It’s a tradition as American as apple pie and not knowing where to find America on a map. Every couple of years, a new batch of baby-faced teens is harvested from the Disney Farmlands strategically positioned in our country’s most desolate regions. We take them in to our homes, tell them they are pretty, and give their mothers a reason to live. In return, they provide us with catchy pop songs and raise our children for us. A fair tradeoff.

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