All posts in Movies

Spicy Asian Swordfish Skewers: Sharknadoes in Taradise


Spicy Asian Swordfish Skewers

Last Thursday, something sort of amazing happened. Our country had a brief yet powerful moment of national unity brought on by natural disaster. This disaster was not a tragedy, but a triumph. A triumph of human ingenuity. Alright, I’ll cut the crap- I’m talking about that stupid Sharknado movie.

In case you are some freak loser who experiences life through reality and not the internet and television, Sharknado is a made-for-TV movie that aired on SyFy, about a tornado full of- wait for it- sharks. Okay, well, actually it was a hurricane full of sharks, but we’re not keeping score on meteorological accuracy here.

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Puff Pastry Tarts with Apricot, Pecan, and Brie: The Food and Fashion of Gatsby

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As you definitely know, this past weekend was the premiere of the much anticipated film adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Everyone has been talking about it- Leo is in it, so you know it’s gonna be a blockbuster. That guy is such a gem. Can we just take a second?

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Amaretto Mud-slide Cheesecake: Exercise Your Right to Eat Like an American Citizen

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By now I’m sure you have all heard the troubling news about our sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon. (That sentence was aimed exclusively at Americans; she is our sweetheart, America’s sweetheart; all other countries just back off and get your own sweetheart. I don’t even know if they are allowed to have sweethearts in other countries, and I’m too lazy to google it.)

As I was saying, though, our girl Reese is in some trouble. A couple of weeks ago, she and her husband were arrested in Atlanta- him for a DUI, and her for being kind of a fucking crazy biatch, evidence of which can be seen in the arrest video that was released last weekend.

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Spicy Veggie Breakfast Hash with Poached Eggs: The Apocalypse Brunch of It’s a Disaster

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I feel like we’re in kind of a lull period right now, entertainment-wise. Well, as much of a lull as there can be in the era of 3000 channels, On Demand, DVR, Netflix, Hulu, etc etc etc. God bless us, everyone- we are truly living in the Golden Age. Queen Elizabeth ain’t got shit on this.

Like I said though, we have a bit of down time at the moment. A lot of my favorite shows just wrapped up, it’s still post-Oscar crap movie season, and all of our most beloved celebs have taken a time out to dust off their dumpster attire and congregate in the desert to be photographed pretending to like cool music. (Three day music festivals are the setting of 97% of my nightmares.) (The other 3% are dinner parties at Donald Trump’s house; I have no real explanation for that.)

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Mini Churros with 3 Dippers: a Nod to Theme Parks in Honor of Jurassic Park 3D

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I feel similarly about 3D movies as I do about TLC shows about freak people. It used to be fun and exciting (Avatar! Primordial dwarves!), but now it’s all played out and the field is just too convoluted. Harold and Kumar 3D? Extreme couponers? No, thank you.

I mean, don’t get me wrong- I’ll play along, for the most part. I recently donned the 3D glasses for over two hours through Oz the Great and the Powerful with no real complaints (other than James Franco’s furrowed brow, “this is my serious role” face.) (Also, I wore my real glasses to the theater, so then I had to stretch the 3D glasses OVER my real glasses and I was looking through two sets of frames the whole time, like WTF?)

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Tyler Florence-Approved Parmesan Gnocchi with Short Rib Ragu

Gnocchi with Short Rib Ragu

My first interaction with celebrity chef and Food Network star Tyler Florence was a phone conversation that went something like this:

Tyler: “Hey Shay, I’m calling to invite you out to San Francisco in March for a weekend of wine and food and fun and everything is free because I think your food is awesome so do you think you can make it?” (paraphrase)

Me: “Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Who is this? Okay. Yes. A thousand times yes. I mean I have to check my schedule but I’m a cashier at a taco truck so yes. Okay talk to you later Tyler can I call you Tyler k thx love you byeee” (exact quote)

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Meyer Lemon and Asparagus Pesto Risotto with Sundried Tomatoes and Gulf Shrimp: The Arrival of Spring and Spring Breakers

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It’s a tradition as American as apple pie and not knowing where to find America on a map. Every couple of years, a new batch of baby-faced teens is harvested from the Disney Farmlands strategically positioned in our country’s most desolate regions. We take them in to our homes, tell them they are pretty, and give their mothers a reason to live. In return, they provide us with catchy pop songs and raise our children for us. A fair tradeoff.

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