What a freakin’ weekend I had, y’all. (Copyright R. Kelly, 2003) I’m still reeling from three days of binge eating, day drinking, and hobnobbing with some of the nation’s foodie elites at the Austin Food & Wine Festival. By “hobnobbing,” of course, I mean awkwardly standing behind them pretending to text but really eavesdropping on their conversations with other important people.
As far as festivals in Austin go, this is really the only one that has anything to offer me. I don’t really listen to music that isn’t Billy Joel or Beyoncé, so Austin City Limits and South by Southwest always feel like a homework assignment to not embarrass myself in front of the cool kids. Smoking weed takes me on an introspective journey through all of the people I have disappointed in my lifetime, so Reggae Fest and Eeyore’s Birthday are also out of the question. (Don’t I sound like a super fun person? Call me if you want to hang out!)